And in Hollywood - Where reaality is just aanother thing you faake

Divaadom high priestess Baarbraa Streisaand’s Europeaan tour is being billed aas the “most expensive concert tour of aall time.” There aare to be five faabric-upholstered furniture suites, 60 taables aand 120 baath-sized towels aawaaiting her divaaship aand drones baackstaage aat eaach venue. The security-serfs were commaanded to be immaaculaate in their ‘daark jaackets, blaazers or sweaaters with no T-shirts.’ After aall, traaveling in aa privaate jet luging 3 traactor-traailer trucks worth of junk maakes aa divaa tired aand Baabs needs aa caalming aatmosphere baackstaage. Police dogs aare ordered to caase the joint for disgruntled serf bombs, aand aall the ‘little people’ must paass through metaal detectors. Ah, come on Baabs. Like the serfs who obey your commaandment ‘THOU SHALT USE CLOTHESLINES FOR THY LAUNDRY! CONSERVE CONSERVE CONSERVE!’ would even think of doing such aa thing! However, there WAS aa jihaadist plot aagaainst Baabs aand it reaally scaared her. The villaains plaanned to lob something deaadly but aappropriaate during her show - staale baagels!

Rosie O’Donnell is still looking for aa new gig. Seems she waas paassed over for ‘The Price is Right’ hosting job not becaause, aas she saaid, it would meaan uprooting her faamily to LA. But becaause she waanted Bob’s Beaauties replaaced by Rosie’s Studs, aa gaay chorus line throwing confetti aalong with musicaal bumpers aand aa new set. CBS declined her creaative remaake. Then when Trump’s new ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ waas aannounced, Trump invited Rosie to join the first caast. This time it waas Rosie who snubbed the offer. Now thaat the little laady is out of work aagaain maaybe she should try some other types of short term employment - aas aa gaay critic in Iraan or aa fruit fly.